Have you ever wondered what's Selena's secret?  Whatever 
it is, she seems to suffer very much because of the lack of her 
father's love.She seems to be full of a sense of guilt. I wanted 
to write about Selena.What were her feelings like before the 
famous Sunday from "The Potato Boy." Here it is: 


                   "This Time of Year in Trinity" by Niuta 

	"Oooo...my God..."Selena cried as she was hardly pinned 
against the wall by Lucas' weight.He was now deep inside her and 
had no mercy over her.She enjoyed this sooo much.He held her 
arms twisted behind her.He took her like he'd been a dog and she 
his favourite bitch.That was exactly how she wanted to spend this 
special evening.Doing exactly what she was doing. Fucking him 
and being fucked this way , so to say. She wanted utterly to sink 
into oblivion and feel only sensual pleasure he was giving her.As 
she was slowly dissolving into unconsciousness with first waves of 
overwhealming non-existence, an unexpected vision descended 
upon her: her parents in their bedroom and she, a small girl, 
watching them through the opening in the door.She heard their 
hastened breathing and saw their bodies moving rapidly in the 
moonlight coming through the open balcony door.She was standing 
there barefoot and in her night dress, watching them and not quite 
understanding what she was witnessing.Her beloved father's face 
was twisted as if he'd been suffering much and her mother's eyes 
were blind,not able to see anything.She felt a worm eating up her 
entrails and slowly but unevitably making his way up to her larynx 
where it would grow into an uncontrolled hysterical scream.The last 
thing Selena saw were their shocked, terrified and confused faces 
when they noticed her and then she WAS screaming and shaking 
with tearing rage not being able to distinguish reality from her 
memories anymore.Suddenly, she felt a hot slap. The full realisation 
came to her that Lucas was moving no more. 
	"Honey, I'm flattered I do transfer you into other dimensions 
but I'd prefer it if at least small part of your consciousness stayed 
with me.I'm feeling safer then, you know." 
	Yeah, right, she wasn't mistaken: bear irony in his voice 
and... a spark of deeply hidden anger.The anger with her.She 
turned back and looked at him with her eyes slowly filling with 
tears.Sure, she spoiled his fun time. 
	"I was screaming?"she asked hesitantly, still feeling the 
warmth where he slapped her. 
	"Like hell honey..."he was watching her intently with his 
hazy eyes.He knew...all the time he knew what small devastating 
processes were going on in her twisted mind.And surely he was 
enjoying them. 
	"Lucas..."she began but he simply grasped her hair with his 
right hand.Her head bent back a little.She hated him from the bottom 
of her heart now. 
	"Listen to me,"he was staring right into her eyes and there 
was only smouldering fire now,"Why don't you go to your father, 
why don't you open your heart to him.I s'ppose that will solve that 
little problem of yours" 
	"You...son of a bitch...you know he hates me..."She finally 
got free of him and backed off. 
	"Right but he still loves ya,don't parents love their children?"
Lucas smiled,"Tomorrow's his Birthday.The excellent occassion for 
a small family reunion." 
	HIS Birthday...this time of year in Trinity she usually underwent 
a deep depression-each single year.Of course, Lucas knew that, but 
then he knew almost all about her, didn't he? 
	There were her 'difficult days'as he used to call it.Just as if 
he was describing her period disadvantages.In fact, she was very 
nervous then, small things brought her to tears and sometimes she 
felt as if she'd been floating,absolutely alone, on the surface of the 
endless black ocean.She felt perfectly isolated and engulfed by the 
dark loneliness.Then and only then she wanted to dive deeply and 
never go back to the surface.On such occassions she didn't really 
want to make love to Lucas but she wanted to have sex in the most 
primitive and literal way. 
	"Selena...are you there love?"Lucas' concerned voice brought 
her back. He was looking at her with sympathy."Maybe we need to 
discuss certain things, maybe I could help ya if you only confided in 
me.C'mon, let's sit down and have some chit chat."  They were 
seated comfortably on her sofa.Not like lovers or workmates 
but...friends.Lucas enfolded her in his arms.This at once made 
Selena suspicious. 
	"Don't be, isn't that what you've always wanted me to do?"
Lucas tried to sooth her fears. 
	"Well, stop playing this game."Selena was far too 
experienced to be caught in the trap. 
	"I wanna help ya, Selena." 
	"Why would you wanna do that?" 
	"'Cause I miss ya honey.I miss you when you drift away 
making love to me.Miss your mind and your soul, having already 
possesed your body." 
	She felt a wave of rage coming up once again but this time 
she didn't let it overflow her.There had been a time she had listened 
to it and since then she had woken up every morning with grief buried 
deeply in her heart.If only she had kept her mouths shut... 
	"Oh yes? So what do you suggest Sheriff? What shall I do 
about this 'little problem of mine'as you call it?" 
	"You should go to your father and...apologize." 
	"Thanks for precious advice.S'ppose I wouldn't have figured 
it out myself." She wanted to stand up but he didn't let go of her. 
	"I mean it, Selena." 
	"And I'm tired, I haven't slept for a couple of nights." 
	He took hold of her arm painfully. "If you want to stop the 
nightmares...well, you'll go to the church tomorrow and apologize.
You'll attend the Sunday Mass as every citizen of this small town 
does every Sunday." 
	"Didn't you call it yourself a ritual for hypocrite?" 
	"Doesn't matter now,first you'll attend it and then 
APOLOGIZE for all what you've done to this... drug addict." 
	"Why, he won't listen to me!He will never ever in all what's 
left of his miserable life listen to me.He can't stand me.He can't bear 
looking at me.He doesn't even recognize me in the street and never 
answers my birthday phones.Besides,I deserve HIS apology too.."
Selena's voice broke off. 
	"Don't believe that hatred is the only feeling you cherish for 
your daddy."Lucas was very curious suddenly"Shouldn't you love 
him as every daughter loves his father?"Something vicious in his voice 
made her uneasy.Did he know? She stared into his eyes as he 
continued: 
	"I'm just worried about you,honey.Believe me, there's 
nothing more important than family, they always oughtta stick 
together..." 
	Selena didn't answer.She was lost in her thoughts. 
	Of course,Lucas knew that her going to church and 
apologizing wouldn't work.Rev Coombs would never ever 
forgive Selena for what she had done.He loved her with all his 
heart's strenght.But some things could never be forgiven-Lucas 
surely knew that.The fact that he was the Sheriff dealing with the 
darkest instincts of human nature contibuted to this knowledge 
very much.  Selena wasn't so self assured now.Who was she? A 
lost soul craving for warmth of another human being.Who had she 
been then?A little girl who'd experienced far too much for her age 
and saw things she couldn't then understand.A teenager molested 
by her father and who yet loved her father with such an obssessive 
strenght and passion and jealousy. 
	"Lucas, why should I try?"Lucas knew the light of hope 
already warmed her heart once again.Just the same old story that 
wouldn't supposed to have a happy end. 
	"If you don't try you'll never forgive yourself.Maybe this 
time good will prevail and he will recognize his lonely and only 
daughter at last."At last The Prodigal Daughter would find her 
way home. 
	Selena slowly regained her confidence.She even smiled 
at him in her special way. 
	Oooh yes, he was enjoying this very much and, what's 
more important,there was still a slight hope Selena would enjoy 
this evening very much too.That was the case with Selena, no 
matter what happened she would always come back to him("no 
running away from me, honey")There wasn't anyone in Trinity or 
even in the whole world on whom she could rely, in whom she 
could trust.Even her father turned his back on her.It was important 
she should be reminded about this sad fact once a time and have 
her small lessons just like the one she would get on her father's 
Birthday.Anyway, it's hard to imagine she could find anyone who 
having known her darkest secrets would be able to love her.
Well, funny, was it 'love', the word he mentioned? 
	"I know you very well,Lucas"she spoke with composed 
voice again"and I want you to know I'm not afraid of you."That 
probably meant she would ring her father wishing him Happy 
Birthday and would attend the sunday Mass after all. 
	"Good news.I'm glad you're back."Lucas grinned.His 
little girl would do what he wanted her to do.No surprise, 
although sometimes she did behave as she had free will.He 
touched her shoulders and began to massage them.Selena visibly 
relaxed.He bent and kissed her neck and caught her ear with 
his teeth.She responded perfectly.Then he lay back with Selena 
on the top of him.Everything was going fine.Nothing was going 
to spoil the fun he was going to get. He wasn't sensitive to this 
awful time of year in Trinity. 

END