Subj:	AG- Re: Shaun's Nightmare (The Final Version)
Date:	96-09-05 03:04:27 EDT
From:	wrussell@polarnet.com (Robyn Russell)
Sender:	owner-agothic@stargame.org
To:	agothic@stargame.org

[Author's note:  The writers among us will vouch for the fact that
sometimes one's characters not only come to life, but begin to 
talk back to their creator.  The following is an example of a "story 
conference" with the characters of "American Gothic".]

INT. DAY.  SHAUN CASSIDY'S OFFICE AT UNIVERSAL STUDIOS.  
CAMERA ANGLE on SHAUN who has fallen asleep in front of his 
desktop computer.  Throughout the scene, the characters appear out 
of thin air as their lines are spoken and then remain to argue with 
one another.

BUCK: (off screen)
   Rise and shine, Shaun boy. We've got television history to make.

SHAUN: (waking up abruptly and looking around)
   Who said that?

BUCK:  (appearing out of nowhere)
   Who else?  That's, uh, Buck with a "B".

SHAUN:
   What are you doing here?

BUCK:
   I've got a bone to pick with you, son.  What's this business about 
me bein' evil?  Everything I do is for my people's own good.

SELENA:
   You aren't evil, you're just written that way.  (She sashays past 
BUCK and sits down in SHAUN'S lap)  I have the same problem.  
(playing with Shaun's collar) Shaun, honey, why don't you get rid of 
that old Gail and make me pregnant with Lucas's baby?

BUCK: (snorts)
   If I wanted someone who could cloud men's minds, I'd date the 
Shadow.

BILLY:
   Nobody clouds men's minds like you, Lucas.

BUCK:
   Why, Doctor Peale, no plagues in Africa to cure? (jerking a 
thumb in BILLY'S direction)  I always meant to ask you, Shaun, 
what's the big idea makin' this bayou boy the hero of the show?

BILLY: (jumping in before Shaun can answer)
   You can't control everything in Trinity, Buck.

BUCK:
   Wanna bet?

(As BILLY and BUCK begin to square off, GAIL suddenly appears)

GAIL: (catching sight of SELENA in SHAUN'S lap)
   So this is why Selena is always getting the juicy scenes!  (She 
swings her ten pound handbag catching SHAUN upside the head 
and dislodging SELENA from his lap at the same time).  I'm a 
reporter who never gets to write a story, my wardrobe looks like it 
came from a rummage sale, and I get pregnant with Devil's child 
and my head doesn't even spin around.  Let me tell you, Mr. Teen 
Idol Singing Sensation, if you don't start writing better scenes for 
me, you won't have to worry about the sheriff anymore 'cause I'LL 
start making your life a living hell.

BUCK: (seeing an opportunity)
   Gail, darlin', you're beautiful when you're angry.

GAIL: (smiling sweetly)
   Lucas, I've got something for you.

BUCK:
   What's that, honey?

GAIL: (kneeing him hard in the groin)
   That's for getting me pregnant and nearly sending me off the 
roof.  (She steps over BUCK's prostrate form)  Billy, you still 
want to go to Uganda? 

BILLY: (shrugs)
   Sure, why not?

GAIL:  (grabbing his arm and pulling him along)
   Then let's go.

BILLY:
   You're in charge, cher.

BUCK: (in a squeaky voice from the floor)
   Darlin', you seem so hostile lately.

  BEN appears as GAIL and BILLY disappear.

BEN:  (helping the dazed Shaun off the floor)
   Mr. Cassidy, I know that this may not be the right time to 
bring this up, but I just know that Barbara Joy and I still some 
chemistry together and I was thinkin' that if you were to write 
Waylon off the show, she and I might have a chance.

BUCK: (who has recovered enough to butt in)
   Are we talkin' about a deal, Ben?  Fatal sawmill accident for 
old Waylon?

BEN:
  Stay out of this, Lucas.

BIRDIE:
  Forget this romance stuff, Shaun.  You got bigger problems.  
Now as the representative for the African-American characters 
on this show, I am here to demand bigger parts for all of us.

DANIEL:
  As a recurring character, I should be good for a few more 
episodes.

LORIS:
  I think as the ONLY character who turned the tide for the 
Light in Caleb's custody battle I should have a much more 
prominent role in the show.

BUCK:
  Give me Caleb and I'll see what I can do.

LORIS:
  Over your dead body, Sheriff.

MATT: (hopping in, still strapped into his straitjacket)
  Hello, has everybody forgotten about me?

BUCK:
  No, but we'd like to.

MATT:
  Shaun, you have got to get me out of Juniper House.  If 
I see another plate of grits and gravy, I AM going to go 
crazy.

SHAUN: (throwing up his hands)
  All right, that's it!  Everybody out!

  The characters all disappear.

SAM: (off screen)
  Shaun! Shaun! Wake up!

  CAMERA PULLS BACK to reveal SAM RAIMI shaking 
SHAUN awake.

SHAUN: (groggy)
  What . . .

SAM:
  C'mon on, Shaun, you've got a story conference in ten 
minutes.  Let's go!

SHAUN: (as SAM piles paperwork into his arms and pushes 
him towards the door)   I had the weirdest dream, Sam.  All 
of the characters from the show were here telling me how to 
write their parts.

SAM: (pulling SHAUN down the corridor toward the 
conference room)   Yes, yes, weird dream, great idea, we'll
try to work it in.

SHAUN brakes to a halt in front of the conference room.

SHAUN:
  Wait a minute, Sam.  I thought our writing staff was let go.

SAM:
  Oh, these aren't the writers for "American Gothic". (he 
opens the conference room door)  These are the fans.

  SHAUN'S POINT OF VIEW as we see a huge conference 
room chockful of Gothniks.  As the CAMERA PANS across 
the crowd, we see that the Dr. Billy and Dr. Matt fans are 
dueling with an array of garden implements, the Sheriff Buck 
fans have drawn a pentagram on the table and are chanting 
something in Latin, and the Selena fans have set up an altar 
which they are lighting candles in front of.  Fans of the other 
characters are waving banners and signs and in general 
arguing vociferously.

BUCK: (off screen)
   Do you have a problem with that, Shaun boy?

SHAUN spins around only to see the figure of SAM 
MORPH into that of BUCK.

BUCK: (to the crowd)
  Your attention, people!  The creator of the show is here.

  As one, the throng stops fighting with each other and 
surges toward SHAUN.

SHAUN: (panicked)
  The fans, not the fans!

BUCK: (with an evil smile)
  Your public loves you, boy.  Time to take a meetin'.

  BUCK slams the door shut, locks it, and then leans 
on it casually.  From behind the door comes the sound 
of frantic scrabbling as if, say, a series creator were trying 
desparately to escape the more opinionated members of
his adoring public.

BUCK:
  Told you before, son.  There's only one worthwhile 
character on this show and if you're listening to anybody 
but me you're on the wrong track.  Now I think it's time I 
make the acquaintance of Mr. Les Moonves.

  BUCK saunters off to wreak havoc as we FADE OUT.

                                                               --Robyn