Nemesis: The Torture of Buck by nimbi Synopsis I got to thinking one day what would happen if Merly decided that killing Lucas wasn't such a good thing. Maybe she teamed up with someone else and called up a Nemesis to torment Buck... This story is very, very, very silly!!! All disclaimers are at the end. Reading them first will ruin the story somewhat. ************* Lucas was in his study reading a book that was particularly uninteresting called The Mathematical Uniqueness of Negative Numbers. He'd never been so bored in his life. He didn't need to call in any favors, he and Caleb were getting along all right, there were no strangers to torment--even the dead seemed to be staying in there graves and not messing around in his life for once. All was quiet in the little town of Trinity, South Carolina. He'd considered visiting Selena or one of his other women, but that idea truly didn't interest him at the moment. 'Maybe I'm gettin' old,' he mused silently to himself. So he sat in his study, bored, bored, bored--and the book wasn't making it any better. He tossed it aside with the other half dozen he'd tried reading in the last two hours. "Heck, Buck, there's gotta be somethin' you need to do." He decided to go to the station and check up on Ben. As he picked up his keys and prepared himself to leave the lights in his house cut off. 'Well,' he corrected himself silently, 'maybe the dead aren't staying put.' Aloud he said, "Merly Ann, I thought you'd moved beyond such childish pranks." He received no answer, not that he'd expected one. Chuckling softly Lucas walked out the door, as he closed the front gate behind him all of the lights, even the ones he hadn't originally been using, turned on illuminating his house brightly. Lucas sighed and got into his car and left. Inside his house a small red headed girl appeared, she ran to the nearest window and cried in a voice that sounded like she had a cold, "Oh, come back, Mr. Sherriff-Deerhead! I just want ya ta be my friend!" * * * * * Mama Lucy was sitting in her kitchen brewing up some peach cobbler for her grandson and his deputies. That young Floyd especially liked her cookin', he ate an entire peach pie by himself last week. Suddenly, a gust of wind swept through her kitchen. But Mama Lucy felt a chill that had nothing to do with the wind. "Oh no!" She hissed. "Not them!" * * * * * When Lucas got to the station, Ben was leaned back in his chair half asleep. Lucas crept up next to his deputy's ear. "Gettin' beauty sleep on my time?" He barely whispered it, but Ben jumped. "Lucas, what are you doin' here?" Ben asked, after his heart stopped racing. "I'm the sheriff, Benji, I'm allowed to visit when I feel like it." "No, I mean, don't you ever sleep?" There, he said it. He'd asked the question that had nagged him so many times before. "Not if I can help it." The phone rang. "Answer that deputy," Lucas started away, "I'll be in my-" the sheriff stopped short with his hand on the doorknob. He hesitated, something wasn't right. "Uh, yes, ma'am. Ummm. No, ma'am. Well... he just came in and, uh...hold on ma'am." Ben put his hand over the receiver and looked over at his boss. "Lucas? You all right?" Lucas Buck was examining his door as if he'd never seen it before, he was smelling and feeling the wood. A moment before he'd been looking at it up real close, he pressed his ear against it to listen to it. "Um... Lucas?" Ben asked worriedly. Lucas turned around and took a moment to look through Ben then refocused. "Who's that on the phone, deputy?" "It's your grandmother." "Give me the phone. Mama Lucy! Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Mama, you sure you haven't been alone out there in the woods too long? Maybe you've had too much peach wine? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Sure, I'll be careful. Bye." Lucas slammed the phone down. He paced the station carefully for a moment "Benji, did anyone come into the station tonight?" "No, Lucas. Well, actually, Floyd did." "Floyd, huh? No one else? You're positive." Ben nodded. "And no one went into my office, while you were asleep, maybe?" "Lucas, the door is locked tight. I would have heard someone if they tried to break in. No one else 'cept for you, me and Floyd has a key." "Right." Lucas began to leave, then stopped turning back, "Ben?" "Yeah, Lucas?" "When did we give Floyd a key?" * * * * * "I thought you did." Ben answered. "Why would I give Floyd a key?" Lucas asked. "Is that how he got in tonight?" "Well, yeah." "Why'd he come in?" "He was sleepwalking, in his pajamas and everything, he was mumbling to himself. I woke him up and sent him home." "What was he sayin'?" "I don't know. He was talkin' bout how nice it was to meet the Warners or somethin'. Somethin about lab rats takin' over Trinity. He walked right over to your door and ushered them in. Well not really in, he didn't open the door or anything, of course." Ben's grin disappeared when he looked up into Lucas' face. "Hey, Luc. Everything okay?" "Everything's fine!" Lucas snarled, and stormed out the station. * * * * * "So, what do I do to protect myself?" Lucas asked Mama Lucy forty-five minutes later. "I don't know." "What do ya mean, you don't know?" "They're what drove the Judge insane. They're the reason he killed himself." Lucilla Buck said flatly. "I remember the Old Judge...He always was good for a couple a laughs." Neither Lucas nor Lucilla had made this statement. It had come from an aging voice with an accent from someplace like New Jersey. Grandmother and son whirled around to come face to face with a three foot tall squirrel. "Slappy!" Lucilla grabbed a broom. "Stay away from my family." "Aw, cut it out, Lucy." Slappy grabbed the broom away. "I'm gettin' to old for that kind of gig." "You're not old Aunt Slappy." Out of nowhere a younger squirrel appeared. "Hi!" "Lucy, this here's my nephew, Skippy." Slappy explained. "Hi, Skippy. Is he the one who-" "Naw. Not Skippy. He's just starting out. He 'n' I are jus' here for the barbecue." She cackled nastily. "Lucas here is in for a real treat." Slappy grinned. "So, who is going to try to drive me to an early grave?" Lucas asked testily. "The Warners." Slappy answered. "And really, son, we're not trying to kill ya. We hadn't wanted to kill your grandpappy either. We kind of have no choice in the matter. When someone calls us we do our job and that's it. Nothin' personal. Besides there's always someway to make us all leave. You just have to figure it out." Lucas listened intently, but part of him remembered what Ben had said about Floyd. "So can everyone see you?" "Nope. Just the Buck family and anyone with an uncomplicated, unclouded mind." Slappy answered. "My office." "What, Lucas?" Lucilla asked. "My office. Floyd brought these Warners to my office!" Lucas whispered angrily. "Oh, yeah, Floyd. He's got a brain you could ride ten trains through... side by side." Slappy grinned. "He got in during the night with his key." Lucas murmured. "When did you give him a key?" Lucilla asked. "I didn't. Ben didn't." Lucas answered her shortly. "Then the Warners did." Skippy piped up. "They're real resourceful." Lucas turned his gimlet eyes on Slappy. "You said someone had to send you. Any idea who?" "Now THAT we're not allowed to know...I can tell you one thing I found out." Slappy answered. "What's that?" "Whoever they were, one was dead." * * * * * The next day, Lucas walked back into the station. Ben looked at him warily, then went home to get some rest after the night watch. "Mornin' Sheriff!" Floyd sang out the minute Lucas walked in the door. Lucas spared his junior deputy something a little less than a glance, then walked into his office. Quietly, he shut the door behind him. Odd... everything looked okay--normal, even. Sighing in relief, Lucas collapsed in his chair. "Hello!" A voice like Groucho Marx on helium said to him. "You must be Lucas!" "Yea. And you must be the Warners. Come out from hidin', so I can see ya." "I'm Yakko!" Groucho-on-helium said. "I'm Wakko!" said another that sounded like Ringo Starr. "And I'm Cuuuutte!" This voice was annoying, sickly, sweet and high. "Also known as Dot." Yakko added. Lucas let out a small snicker. Oh, yeah, these guys looked dangerous. "It's really nice to meet you kids, but now ya'll must be goin'" The sheriff got up to open the door. "Oh, no! We can't leave 'til you say the magic word." Yakko, who seemed to be the leader said. "So what's the magic word?" Lucas asked. "Well it'd be no fun if we tell you!" Wakko said. "Until you figure it out we get to stay with you every waking and sleeping moment of your life!" Dot explained. "Oh, lucky me." Lucas muttered. "Uncle Louie! You don't mind if we call you Uncle Louie, do you?" Yakko asked. "Yes! I-" Lucas began. "Uncle Louie, can we go for a ride?" Wakko asked. Suddenly they were all over him. "Can we! Can we?" Each one was asking in turn. Oh, and they were calling him Uncle Louie, too. 'Well it has started.' Lucas thought. There was a gentle wrapping at the door. "Lucas?" Selena Coombs voice came softly through the door. "Come in!" Lucas yelled, hoping that the company would stop the Warners. It did, but not in the way he'd hoped. "Heeellooo! Nurse!" Yakko and Wakko whistled and sat up like dogs begging, they wagged their tales and panted. "Uh, Hello Ms. Coombs." Lucas led her to a chair. "What can I do for you today?" "It's about Caleb." She stated. "Who's Caleb?" Dot asked. "Caleb?" Lucas asked, trying to ignore the incessant pulling on his leg. "Yes. He hasn't been paying attention-" "Who's Caleb?" Dot had his hand now and was pulling on it. "-class and I thought maybe-" "Who's Caleb?!" Dot was using her aggravating voice to the fullest. "-could talk to him about it." "Who's-" "He's my son!" Lucas snapped. "That doesn't give him the right to ignore his studies!" Selena snapped back. "Selena-" Lucas began. He was interrupted, by all three now. "Can we meet him?" Yakko asked. "How old is he? Is he cute?" Dot asked. "Will you let him play with us?" Wakko asked "Besides, I thought you were trying to be a good role model. And-" Selena was going on too. Lucas silenced them all with a look, "No. Eleven. Do you think I'd know? No. And when did I say I wanted to be a good role model, Selena? I said I wanted to teach that boy how to be like me." "Lucas, have you lost your mind? I'll, come back later, when you're feelin' yourself." Selena stormed out of his office. Unnoticed by Buck there was a smile on her face. "Is she available?" Yakko asked. Lucas turned and glared at him. * * * * * The Warners managed somehow to get into his car. Lucas wasn't sure how they snuck up on him like that but there they were, making themselves known. Wakko began complaining, "I'm hungry." "Can we stop and get something to eat, Uncle Louie?" Yakko asked. "Yeah, can we stop there?" Dot asked. "I don't wanna eat there." Yakko complained. "You're just saying that because I wanna eat there." Dot whined. "Am not!"0B "Are too!" "Am NOT!"0B "ARE TOO!" "AM-" " Mister Lou Lou, I'm hungry!" Wakko repeated. Suddenly Lucas took a sharp turn onto a dirt road. "ALRIGHT LOOK!! I am not your 'Uncle Louie', or 'Mr. Lou Lou'. I may not be able to kill you, but I don't have to live with you either! Get out! " The Warners shrank away from him as he spoke. Their eyes filled with tears. "But-" Yakko began. "GET OUT!!!" Lucas nearly shrieked. He laughed a slightly insane laugh at his lack of composure. The Warners piled out. "But-" Yakko tried again. Lucas sped off. "Yakko, hon, do you think we shoulda tried harder to tell him about the danger at his house?" Dot asked. Yakko shuddered slightly then grinned, "Naah. He'll be all right!" * * * * * How the Warners knew Lucas would go home is one of those great Mysteries of Toondom. Lucas arrived in his house and shut off every light. He then got undressed and lay down for a nap. He toyed with the idea of staying in his room until the whole thing blew over. He knew he wouldn't. Rolling over and accepting defeat wasn't in his nature. He couldn't have anyway. "Poor Mister Sheriff- Deerhead!" A little girl's voice said. She pulled back his eyelids to force his eyes open. "It's okay if you're not feeling well. Elmyra will take care of you! I'm gonna hug you to pieces 'til you fell better." Here the child grabbed him and with inhuman strength almost strangled him with one of her 'hugs', Lucas gagged. "What's wrong Sheriff - Deerhead? You hungry? You stay right here, Elmyra will cook up some good food for you right away!" Before Lucas could react, it seemed, the girl (if it could be called a girl) came back. She put a bonnet on his head and a bib under his chin. "Here you go, sweetie. Here's some good fish-head soup." She shoved it into his mouth before he could protest. Lucas spit it out. He pushed her aside and ran out to his car screaming. He sped off down the road. Elmyra stood in the carport tears welling up in her eyes. "Why does everyone react that way to my fish-head soup?" * * * * * "I am Doctor Scratchnsniff." The Juniper House's Nurse Johnson looked up at the man in front of her. He smiled back unconvincingly. He was small, wiry, and pretty much bald. His forehead was wrinkled and he wore coke bottle glasses so thick one had to wonder how he saw out of them. "Who are you here to see? Scratchnsniff, was it?" Nurse Johnson asked. "Ah, Um." A young good looking nurse at Scratchnsniff's left whispered in his ear. "Right. Matthew Crower. I'm supposed to run some analysis on him for the state." "Uh-huh. May I see your credentials?" Nurse Johnson asked suspiciously. Scratchnsniff handed her a folder. Nurse Johnson blinked. Scratchnsniff's name was on the list to see Crower. He'd graduated from Acme. Johnson had never heard of it. She typed the name into her computer to pull up the schools credentials....Wow! That is impressive. She looked up and grinned, "Right this way, doctor." From behind her Merlyn Ann Temple gave Scratchnsniff and Hello Nurse a wide grin. * * * * * Lucas found his way to Selena's house. He barged in and sank down at her kitchen table while he waited for her to come downstairs. He was shaking. "Lucas, honey, what can I do for you?" Selena purred. Lucas just stared at Selena for a moment as Slappy's words rang in his ears again: 'Whoever they were one was dead.' He stood up and grabbed Selena, he pulled her hair back and forced her to look deep into his eyes. "Darlin', you wouldn't betray me, now, would you?" He snarled, 'Oh yes,' he thought, 'I am coming unglued.' "Honey, I wouldn't know where to begin." He let her go and she was able to examine his outfit. "What have you been up to?" She asked. "I was force fed fish-head-" Buck turned slightly green. "Oh, yeah, that reminds me!" He managed to make it into Selena's bathroom before he threw up. * * * * * "Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?" The Brain asked the question expecting a stupid answer. "Um. Yeah. I think so, Brain. But if we make a replica of the current sheriff and tried to take over Trinity, don't you think the people would notice the sudden personality change?" Pinky narfed. The Brain blinked and stared at his friend, then he sighed. "Come on Pinky, let's go home." "Why Brain?" "Because it is true, this town does affect people strangely." They began hitchhiking home. * * * * * Caleb was sat on the front porch of the boarding house when Dr. Matt walked up and gave him a bear hug. "Caleb! I've been released!" Matt cried. "Ms. Holt!" Caleb and Matt yelled from outside. Loris Holt ran out and was lifted off her feet by Matt. "It is good to be home!" He said. "When did they release you?" Loris asked. "This morning. A doctor from the state came in and re-evaluated me! I'm not crazy." Matt laughed "I don't know, you still look pretty crazy to me." Lucas' voice came out of nowhere, raining on their parade. "What do you want?" Matt barely kept his voice under control. "To speak to my son in private." The boy sat pensively as Lucas drove through the woods. They stopped at Mama Lucy's house. "Now, son, I want you to stay here with Mama Lucy tonight." "Why?" Caleb asked logically. "Because she needs someone's protection and I can't stay with her." "You ain't scared of the Warners are ya?" Caleb looked up at his father. "What do you know about that?" Lucas kept his voice low. "They came by lookin' for ya. They don't seem too dangerous." Caleb looked up at his daddy quietly. "Looks can be deceivin', boy. Don't ever forget that." * * * * * "What do we do next?" Selena asked. She was enjoying herself, she could get used to watching Lucas squirm. "Don't know, really. I guess we just let the Warners do their tricks." Merly answered. Selena laughed, "We make quite a team, kid." Merly smiled mildly, "If I'd known you didn't even like Lucas I wouldn't have been so mean to you." "If I'd known you had such a mean streak, I woulda spoken to you more often, honey." * * * * * The day was closing in on him, Lucas could feel all his control and composure slipping away. The Warners had found him again, Crower was out of the Juniper House, Caleb thought he was a coward, Ben thought he was losing it, and he had a sneaking feeling that Selena was responsible for all of this. "Uncle Louie, what's your last name?" Wakko asked. "Buck, with a B. You know, the second letter of the alphabet?" Lucas answered. "Well of course it has a B. What else would it start with an H?(By the by, dear, that's the eighth letter) It'd be Huck!" Dot said. "Or with the sixteenth letter then it would be Puck. Wakko added . "Or (and maybe more appropriately) Buck with the second to the last letter which would be Yuck!" Yakko added determined to have his say. "Perhaps you could do Buck starting from Z subtracting twenty letters which would give you-" Lucas was interrupted because Wakko had put soap into his mouth. "Goodnight everybody!" Yakko chimed. "Just because your sensors don't care if you have a pooty mouth doesn't mean ours won't!" Dot fussed at him. "I was going to say Luck." Lucas said childishly. "Oh. Yeah. Ah...right. Using what alphabet? Sanskrit?" Yakko snapped sarcastically. They drove on in silence for five minutes until Wakko said "Mr. Lou Lou, I gotta use the potty!" "Yeah, so do I!" Yakko added to his brothers plea. "Shut up!" Lucas yelled, "You aren't real so you don't need to eat or go to the bathroom or sleep or anything!!!!" His voice went up in pitch slightly, he laughed. A maniacal laugh, Lucas flinched as he realized it was his Daddy's laugh. 'Buck you really are loosing it!' he thought. They didn't shut up, of course. Instead they began to sing, "Louie, Louie! Oh, baby we gotta go! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!" Lucas gritted his teeth. So, they needed a bathroom and he was loosing his mind. He would go somewhere where there were facilities to take care of both problems. * * * * * Lucas parked next the Juniper House. He helped Yakko, Wakko and Dot out of the car. As he went in he told them "Down the hall on the third door to your right. Evenin' Nurse Johnson." "Evenin', Sheriff." The young nurse smiled coquettishly, Lucas smiled back. "I heard you had an extra room what with Harvard gone. I was wonderin' if I could check in?" She giggled, "Sheriff, this is a hospital, not a motel." Lucas smiled and leaned on the counter. "Well the thing is, darlin', I've been seein' and feelin' and hearin' things that a fella ought not to." "Uh, well, Sheriff-"Nurse Johnson ran her fingers through her black hair. "Talkin' to folks can't no one else see. DOT, I AM TRYING TO HAVE A CONVERSATION HERE!! WILL YOU PLEASE STOP MAKING FACES!!!!" Sheriff Buck gathered his composure, "I'm serious, here, darlin'. I am losin' my mind." * * * * * Dr. Scratchnsniff and Hello Nurse evaluated the Sheriff and decided he was crazy. They locked him up. Buck leaned on his bed in his tiny room and shut his eyes and got some rest. The Warners did, too, after he'd yelled at them a couple of times. 'Well, you were the one who wanted some excitement, Buck. Look at 'em sleep. They ain't so bad, just a little misunderstood. Like me.' The thought made him smile and laugh out loud. "Four exclamation marks and laughing for no reason. Yep, he's lost it." Yakko whispered to his brother and sister after they heard Lucas snoring. * * * * * "Wakie! Wakie! Sheriff-Deerhead! Ooooo! Hello, Fuzzyheads!" Elmyra was dressed in a nurses outfit, ready to help. Lucas grinned, "Yeah, Elmyra, ain't they cute little Fuzzyheads? They belong with me, but if you ask real nicely I'll let you play with them every day." "Ooooo! Can I play with the Fuzzyheads. Mr. Sheriff-Deerhead?" Elmyra squealed. "No!" Yakko yelled, "Elmyra we're supposed to be torturing him!" "Of course you can, darlin'" Lucas smiled nastily. "Oh the Humanity!" Wakko cried. "Buck, we'll do anything! Don't Let Her Near Us!" Yakko pleaded. "Anything but Elmyra!" Dot whimpered. "Go Away! Take all of everyone like you and Go Away! And don't ever, never, bother the Buck family again!" Lucas laughed. "We can't," Wakko said, "you've got to say the magic word!" "What is it?" Lucas asked. "Daddy." Suddenly Caleb was there. "Didn't you learn anything from your mama? The magic word is 'please'." The boy explained. "Please?" Lucas said softly. "Uh-oh!" Elmyra said and disappeared. "Please!" Lucas said louder, standing now. The Warners vanished, "Thanks kid. We were almost Elmyra meat!" Yakko told Caleb. "PLEASE!! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-!!!!!" Lucas laughter echoed though the corridors of the Juniper House. Back at Lucilla's home Slappy and Skippy looked at one another. "The big, bad sheriff losing it and going crazy over one word, now that's... Justice!" They too disappeared. "Well it's time for us to go to." Scratchnsniff said, " Come on Nurse." "Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! He-he-he-he!" Lucas was on the floor of his room giggling. Caleb knelt down over him. "You gonna be all right, daddy. We'll just leave ya here for a while, okay?" The boy whispered. Lucas looked up at him, he giggled madly, "please?" he barely whispered. Soon the Sheriff fell asleep. * * * * * Lucas woke up with a start. It was morning, he was in his own bed, in his own house, Selena was next to him. He listened with his ears, then his body, then the other parts of his mind. Good, nothing seemed abnormal. He laughed to himself (a small ha-ha) it had all just been a dream. He glanced over at Selena, she was grinning in her sleep. A Dream. Had it been a dream? He reached over and shook her roughly. "Yes, Lucas, honey?" Selena murmured. He looked into her eyes and was filled with disgust. "You can leave." "What's the magic word?" Selena grinned up at him. "Now." "Would you like to hear more? How about, before I kill you!" He grabbed her, dragged her to the door and tossed her and her clothes outside his room like trash. Selena got dressed and slunk away. Buck watched from his window as she met Merlyn Temple at his gate and they high-fived each other. * * * * * Nothing else seemed out of the ordinary, Selena had given him a bad dream, not actually made the events occur. So Lucas decided not to do anything dreadfully horrible to her, yet. Caleb came to visit him later on that day. "Good afternoon, Lucas." Respectful as usual, but there was a twinkle in his eye. "How ya feelin'?" "Why do you ask?" Lucas kept his voice low and menacing. "You weren't yourself last night. I just wanted to know if you remember. I see ya do." Caleb was smiling now. "You owe me, Daddy." "So I do, Caleb, so I do." Lucas paused a moment. "What exactly do you want from me, son?" "Don't quite know yet, sir. I wanna be careful what I do. Make sure I get paid back my full amount." Caleb said quietly. Lucas had to smile, "All you did was help me out in a little bad dream I was havin' son." "Ya think so?" Caleb grinned. "Dr. Matt got outa the Juniper House this mornin'. Apparently some state doctor did some re-evaluatin' on him. Well, see ya around, Sheriff." * * * * * Lucas sat at his desk a moment longer. His face was like an ugly stone mask. Suddenly, violently he stood up and left the office in a rush. He went down to the Juniper House and asked for the name of the doctor who'd approved Loony Toones departure. Nurse Johnson handed him the clipboard and release information. Next to the unreadable doctors signature was printed Doctor Scratchnsniff, Acme Looniversity. Lucas put down the clipboard and laughed, "Ahaha-ha-ha-ha!" That's All Folks! ******** Disclaimers First of all I'd like to warn you, if you haven't read the story yet, read it! These statements will ruin the suspense. If you have read the story first, Thanks! It shows you can wait to see what happens instead of reading the ending first. Okay, serious stuff here: I have no money, I am not being paid, these characters are not mine. Please don't sue me! Yakko, Wakko, Dot, Slappy and Skippy Squirrel, Dr. Scratchnsniff, Hello Nurse, Pinky and The Brain and Elmyra are all characters owned by Warner Bros. Studios and the creations of Steven Spielburg. Acme Looniversity, the phrases 'That's all Folks!', 'Heeellooo Nurse!', and 'And I'm Cuuuute!' and also the nickname 'Fuzzyheads' also belong to Warner Bros. studios. I hope I didn't leave anything I used out. Almost all other characters and the setting of Trinity, South Carolina are from the TV show American Gothic owned by CBS and creations of Shaun Cassidy. The words to the song 'Louie, Louie' are not mine. Only Nurse Johnson is my own creation. But if anyone owns the copyrights to generic nurse extras let me know and I'll give you your credit, too! Lastly, I hope I did these characters justice and I hope you enjoyed my story.