Be Careful What You Wish For...


	The lurch woke me.  I found myself crammed into the corner 
of the seat, half curled into a ball.  Damn...I never let myself fall asleep 
on the subway-- not really asleep, not the way I had been a moment ago, 
so deeply embedded in subconsciousness  that  I was actually dreaming...
and what a dream.  About him, again... it gave me the shivers, half out of 
recalled fear, half out of arousal.  Better not to think about it, not right 
now.  
	Looking around, I realized there were only three other people 
on the train: a homeless man, sacked out in the other end of the car, and 
a woman with a little girl sitting a few seats away. The woman's back was 
turned toward me so I couldn't see her face, but the child I could see very 
clearly.  Bouncing in her mother's lap, she stared straight at me with bright 
unblinking eyes.  What a sweetie! Just looking at her helped to relax me... 
I smiled.  The train began to slow as it pulled into the next station: 
Woodhaven Avenue.  Good... three more stops and I'd be home.  
	Just then, the woman rose, balancing the the little girl on her hip.  
The child continued to stare at me, sucking her thumb. As we jerked to 
a stop,  I waved. She pulled her thumb from her mouth and said in her 
sweet, birdlike voice,  "Someone's at the door." Then they were gone.   
	The doors snapped closed.  As the train started to move,  I 
leaned against the window, looking for them;  I wanted to see the 
mother's face.  But they'd vanished, as if  swallowed up by the darkness; 
they must have been walking awfully fast.  
	What was that about? The little girl had never taken her eyes 
from me, but...that didn't necessarily mean...well, of course, she was 
probably talking to her mother.  But then, why had I heard her so clearly, 
almost as if she was inside my head? And there was no one else around.... 
	I was staring out at the rushing blackness when someone slid into 
the seat next to me.  I felt the gentle but distinct pressure of a leg up 
against mine.  My body tensed instinctively.
	Abruptly I turned, ready to scream.  It was a face I knew, and 
he was smiling.  But at that moment of recognition, I felt my guts turn to 
liquid, my heart thudding so hard I could feel it in my throat.  My skin 
flashed with fever, prickling with the first beads of  sweat.  I knew he 
could feel the anxiety taking control of me, and  he was relishing it.
	Lucas Buck.  The man I'd watched on TV, dreamt about, 
wishing he could only be real,  so I could share his bed....all the time 
knowing it was  madness to fantasize about someone who was such a 
pure incarnation of evil.  If  he isn't real,  I told myself, wishing and 
dreaming are okay...just a harmless fantasy.   Everything about him 
was the product of a writer's imagination.  Oh, I knew how real a 
character could be, especially to a writer.  I'd written characters of 
my own and I knew damn well, if they weren't alive in my imagination,  
they would never survive the transition into the mind of someone else.  
But I knew that this man, this man with his leg defiantly nudging mine, so 
close I could smell him...he was not just a product of  imagination.  And 
if this wasn't a dream...I had to be losing my mind.  
	"Don't look so terrified, darlin'! I  won't bite." Oh, God, it was 
the voice, that dark, deep, melty drawl. I felt the muscles in my face, my 
legs slacken.  He leaned a little closer, conspiratorily.  "Unless of course, 
you want me to."  I was coming unglued.  I tried to speak, but I couldn't 
get any air.  My knees were drooping, my whole body slipping from the 
seat; if I didn't catch myself, I 'd have been on the floor.  I struggled to 
form the letters of his name; all that came out was a whisper.
	
	"...Lucas?"    
	 "Well, who else would I be?" he grinned, that same cool, playful 
tone in his voice.  
	 "...How...how--could you be here?"
	"Would you have me be somewhere else? After all, you're the one 
who brought me here."
	"...I--what? Look, this has gotta be a dream, I know it, it's gotta be-"
	His face was serious now. "You're not dreaming,  honey.  You were 
a few minutes ago, but..."
	I felt like a madwoman, stuttering to convince myself of something I 
knew was untrue.  "No, I am, I am..."  
	"If this is a dream, then wake yourself up right now."
	That got me.  I looked into his eyes, and....
.	You  want him too much.  You don't want the dream to end, that's 
why you can't wake up. 
	"That's not it," Lucas answered, as if I'd spoken out loud. "You 
can't wake up 'cause this is not a dream."  
	"Wha-can you read my mind, too?" I blurted.
	"No, not really," he said.  "It's just that, you're so nervous,  you're 
transparent." I gulped. "It's kinda sweet, really."
	 Lucas looked down to where our thighs were touching; an 
intense heat was building there, sending brief shocks of electricity through 
my abdomen, into my womb.  "Don't you feel that?" he asked gently.  I 
knew he was going to touch me.  I'd be a complete slave to insanity, then.  
Or to Lucas; it didn't seem to matter which....  
	But he didn't.  Instead, he sighed and shook his head, exasperated.  
"I knew this wasn't gonna be easy," he said. "See, it's really quite simple.  
You summoned me...now I'm here."
	"I didn't  summon  you," I  cried. "How could I summon someone 
who isn't even real?"
	"Didn't anybody ever tell you that words have power, thoughts 
have power?  The idea of something--or in this case, someone--is the 
jumping off place for that thing to manifest into your three-dimensional 
reality." 
	"So...what you're saying is, I  created you, out of my imagination?"
	"Well, not quite, darlin'.  I was Shaun's idea, don't you forget that.  
And I was very much alive in the minds of some other folks who watched 
the show .. But it was the force of  your  desire that made me...well, a 
physical presence."  
	I stared at him in amazement, knowing it was the only possible 
explanation, and still not fully convinced.  I released a whoop of laughter, 
bringing down the level of inner tension a few notches...but not for long.  
Just then I noticed that we'd entered my station.   
	Lucas stood up and held out his hand. "C'mon, this is us, right?" 
 	I hesitated.
	"What, d'ya think if you ride the train around all night, I'll just 
disappear?"
	 Well...no.  He had a point.  I needed a place to clear my mind, 
figure things out...deal with the situation.  Home was the only sensible 
decision.  I took his hand.  

			

	Neither one of us said a word on the way out of the station.  I 
just kept looking at him, thinking he would vanish at any moment; he 
eyed me back, clearly amused. When we hit the street,  I finally asked, 
"Am I the only one who can see you?"     
	"No, I don't think so...I am flesh and blood. But nobody else has 
summoned me up into reality the way you did." He shrugged. "At least, not 
yet."
	"You mean...I'm the first one?"
	"The very first." He smiled that wolfish smile of his, the one that 
dripped with ulterior  motives...but I didn't let it bother me. I felt that ache 
again, a throbbing deep inside my womb.  I shuddered, glad for the cloak 
of darkness.  
	Lucas spied the corner liquor store. "Hey, looks like they're still 
open. Why don't we pop in, pick something up? You look like you could 
use a drink."  
	I stopped walking.  	  	 
	"No, no--that's not a good idea."
	"Just a little something to calm you down? You're so jumpy!"
	It was tempting.  A nice, cold glass of wine...or three, or six...  I 
licked my lips.   
	"Lucas, I...don't drink anymore.  Thanks, but...no thanks."
	The corners of his lips curled. "It's not like you're alone, I promise 
I'll watch out for you..."
	"Look! Just stop tempting me, all right?" I sounded shrill. 
	"Honey, it's what I do.  And I'm really good at it-trust me.  But, if 
you're sure..."  
	"I am." As I walked past him, his arm snaked out and grabbed my 
wrist.  
	"You in a big hurry all of a sudden?" 
	I shook myself loose. He moved closer, his face inches from mine.  
"Let's get one thing straight, Miss Morgan,"  he said. "I'm here because you 
wanted me here.  And until that changes,  I'm gonna be your shadow...going 
wherever you go..." his fingers brushed against my cheek. "and doing all the 
things... that you want me to do."  Lucas' hand moved lightly down my 
throat, his thumb resting in the hollow.  My whole body was quivering; I 
couldn't breathe.  Luckily, he  slid his arm around my waist and we started 
walking. 

	
	Home.  I switched on the hallway light and watched him,  taking 
him all in.   He was luminous; his skin seemed to be lit from within.  Dressed 
in a white shirt and chocolate suede vest,  he gave off a strange, radiant heat.  
As he glanced around the room, his eyes, more green than hazel in the light,  
glittered  like a cat's.  The smell of him rent the air, a mixture of freshly 
turned earth, clean sweat, and...some kind of exotic fruit...mangos, maybe? 
I couldn't be sure.   I wondered what his skin tasted like.  Lucas approached 
my own cat, Merlin, who was curled up on the dresser.  The cat backed 
away quickly, hissing.    
	"He's not too crazy about you..." I  breathed.  
	"Well, that's all right...I never did like cats all that much anyway. 
Did you know they can see ghosts?"
	"But you're not a ghost..."
	He grinned and took a step toward me. "No, ma'am..." another 
step, and  another....Then without warning, his tongue was in my mouth, 
probing, tasting me as if he would eat me alive,  as if he could drink life 
from my lips.  I lost control of my limbs; he had to hold me up--but he 
didn't stop.  I felt as though the blood was draining from my head, rushing 
to my fingers, my  breasts, my sex...I could feel that clenching in my womb.  
A wave of pleasure washed over me, so powerful I thought I would 
collapse...when I realized that he was half carrying, half dragging me 
across the floor.  When he finally let me go,  I fell back onto the welcoming 
plush of my mattress.  
	Standing over me, he began to unbutton my blouse.  "I told you 
you'd get what you wanted," he drawled, his voice as warm as his kiss.  
I edged back further on the bed.  
	"Is this the part where you tell me about the 'illusion of free will'?" 
I murmured, ready to relinquish possession of my body.  He smiled but 
said nothing. "Just tell me one thing," I pleaded.  The blouse came off.  
His hands slid under my bra,  fidgeting with the edges.
	 "What's that, love?" He lowered himself over me and tore the 
fabric with his teeth.  In a  matter of seconds, the bra was nothing but 
rags and his mouth was on my breast.  I sucked in breath; I had to stop 
myself from moaning.  Then he stopped, just to watch my face, one thumb 
circling a  nipple. "Well, what's your question?" he growled.  
	I was almost too afraid to say it.: "Are you...you know...him?"
	He was obviously enjoying my suspense.  "Who?"
	I lifted myself up on my shoulders, and whispered: "Are you the 
devil?"
	Lucas frowned. "Oh...that question....Darlin, I'm not even sure I 
know what the word means.  The way I understand it,  I embody  the 
dark part of human nature....Everyone's got a dark side, you too--
otherwise you wouldn't be drawn to me the way you are.  I guess it 
comes down to your conception of...right and wrong. It's really more a 
matter of language, than anything else."
	"How do I know you're telling the truth?"
	 He grinned. "Well, I guess you're just gonna have to trust me..."  
his other hand had slithered down my skirt and had found the warm, 
slippery place between my legs.  
	In a sudden panic, I drew my knees up and pushed him backwards 
with all my strength.  I thought he might have been hurt; instead, he moved 
gracefully away and gave me an injured look.  "Maybe you're not sure 
'bout what you really want..."
	I tried to think clearly; I  didn't know what to say.  But he was 
right: I wanted him so badly it scared me.  Lucas stood there, waiting to 
see what I would do; that calmed me a little.  Eventually, he plunked himself 
down on the bed and lay back on the pillow, his eyes closed.
	"Well, since you're not ready for me, I might as well catch some 
shut-eye.  It's exhausting, moving from one dimension to another." 
	After about two minutes of silence, I started to think he meant it.  
"Don't you want to take your clothes off?" I asked.  Lucas mumbled 
drowsily. Carefully, I untied his shoes and slipped them off, then the 
socks; he didn't budge.  I unhooked his belt, pulled it off and tossed it 
over the bed..then the pants...vest...undershorts...the shirt was last to go.  
I listened to his breathing, soft and even... and then I couldn't help myself.  
My hands started to wander over the smooth, firm muscle of his torso...his 
stomach...and-
	"Well, well, well... looks like somebody's in the mood for love 
after all..." He was watching me through one lazy eye, pleased with himself. 
	"I don't think love is the right word," I sighed.  The feel of him 
was softer than the suede of his vest; I was dissolving into a river of want.
	"Oh, you never know..first time for everything. This is all new to 
me." He grabbed my hand. "But I need to hear you say it..."
	He waited.  "Lucas, I.. I.want..."   
	"You want what ?"
	"I want you...I want you inside me. "
	His face softened. "Ahhh...that's more like it." He stroked my hair, 
my thighs; he didn't seem to be in any rush.  Never in my life had I met a 
man with such self-control... I shifted, sliding one leg on either side of him,  
kissing his chest.   
	"I could just lie here, let you do all the work," he mused patiently. 
"But truth is, it's not my style."
	Before I could think, he'd rolled over on top of me. The weight of 
his body was delicious; his mouth was everywhere.  When he pushed into 
me, I thought I would faint.  He made my body sing; I didn't want him to 
ever stop....    
	But as the layers of pleasure kept building, one on top of each 
other, shattering my sanity--he suddenly stopped.  Frantic, I tried to move 
my hips, to make him move, but it was pointless. I could already feel the 
slow, building waves of orgasm seconds away;  I  was at the edge of the 
cliff, ready to fall into the abyss.  But Lucas pinned my hips down with his 
own, making me cry out.  His eyes bore into mine.
	"Since we're so close...I thought it would be a good time to ask a 
favor."
	I couldn't believe what I was hearing; had I forgotten who the man 
in my bed really was? My heart began to race; I listened.
	"See, as long as you brought me into three dimensional reality, you 
bear a certain amount of responsibility for me.  To help me survive." 
	I was suddenly unnerved. "Go on," I breathed.
	"I'm not quite human yet.  I've got a body and a mind, but to be 
fully human, I need a soul...that's where you come in."
	Every cell in my body rebelled at these words.  I  was about to 
protest, but Lucas had anticipated my reaction; one hand flew to my mouth.  
"Wait a minute, I'm not finished explaining, " he continued calmly, jerking 
his hips a little to move further up into me. "I'm not asking for your soul; 
what I need is a partner...someone to help me rope in a few willing 
victims...would you do that for me?"
	Unable to speak, I shook my head no.  My senses were 
beginning to realign; I realized that I had control of the whole situation.  
If I had truly brought Lucas to life, then why couldn't I get rid of him the 
same way? Staring at him, I began to chant a silent mantra: I  want you 
gone I want you gone I want you gone... When he realized what was 
happening, he was furious.
	"It's not gonna be that easy!" he hissed. I managed to break 
free of his grip.   
	"This is where I teach you about free will!" I screamed. "I want 
you gone! Go back to where you came from! Get thee out of my house, 
out of my life! " I wished him away with every ounce of my strength, my 
eyes squeezed shut. 

	When I opened my eyes, I was alone.  Distantly, I heard the echo 
of his voice: "Too bad you lost your nerve,  darlin'...we'll have to try again 
sometime."

	
	Ever since that night, I haven't slept very well...guess I'm too 
afraid of dreaming.  But even when I'm awake, sometimes... a little part 
of me still wishes for him.  I just have to make sure I don't wish too hard. 



		


		Be careful what you wish for...you may get it.


LadyMorgan